When Your Partner Becomes Visually Impaired …
Helpful Insights and Tips for Coping
by Carol J. Sussman-Skalka, CSW, MBA

(Inside front cover)
Firsthand feedback about the value of support groups
"The group is a lifesaver. What we discuss really
helps ... coming up with some of the solutions to
some of the problems." 

"Being in this group makes you think about what
you're doing and where you're going. We can help
and learn from each other." 

"Hearing the concerns of others, talking about the
guilt — just knowing that other people have the same concerns, same anxieties, and 
knowing you are not
alone is helpful."

The Program for Partners Project was funded by the Grotta Foundation for Senior Care 
and the Wallerstein Foundation 
for Geriatric Life Improvement.

 (page 1)
First Steps
When your spouse or partner becomes visually impaired, both of you are likely to feel 
overwhelmed. You also may experience a range
of feelings, from sadness to guilt, and there are many day-to-day adjustments to make. It's 
hard to know where to begin — or how to access information about vision conditions, 
treatment options,
help and resources. 
 
Vision rehabilitation services — which include techniques for accomplishing daily tasks 
and resuming leisure activities, as well as emotional support — 
can make an important difference in the lives of people with vision loss, particularly in 
their ability to regain independence. Encouragement from family and friends also can be 
vital in supporting their participation in these training programs. 

While you can play a key role during the rehabilitation process, you undoubtedly 
have many adjustments and concerns of your own. You may find yourself putting 
aside your feelings and needs to focus on helping your partner cope. Yet, in many cases, 
you may feel alone and at a loss about what to do or how to help. As one couple shared, 
"Vision loss happened to us."
You also can benefit from programs to better understand your situation, get support for 
your own emotional needs, and learn about relevant resources and services. Although 
your specific concerns may differ based on the extent of your partner's vision loss — and 
how long you've been dealing with it — you have many common issues with other 
sighted partners. 

Some of the most frequently expressed concerns and feelings are discussed on the 
following pages. They include: understanding what your partner can see and do, 
communicating successfully, relating to family and friends, dealing with independence 
and dependence issues, appreciating the benefits of vision rehabilitation and handling 
stress. We hope that this resource will provide support and information to help you cope 
better, and will, in turn, create a more positive quality of life for both you and your 
partner.

(Page 2)
Share Your Feelings:
You're Not Alone
When your partner becomes visually impaired, you may experience many different 
emotions, including fear, guilt, anger and frustration. These feelings can be hard to admit 
or accept, because they are commonly perceived as negative. It may help to keep in mind 
that feelings are neither right nor wrong. However, feelings can get in the way of your 
relationship with your partner if they are not recognized or understood.
 
Guilt 
One of the most commonly expressed emotions,
guilt can appear in many forms. It may drive you
to take on unwanted responsibilities. As one partner reluctantly admitted, "I don't like 
reading financial statements, but I do it because I feel guilty." Others experience guilt 
when they forget that their partners can't see things or expect that they should be able to 
see something because they saw it before. You also may feel guilty about taking time for 
yourself. And guilt may arise 
when you can't meet an immediate need or have to refuse
a request. One wife said poignantly, "If I can't take him
somewhere, I feel guilty because he depends on me to get out." 

Remember that you're not alone. Your partner probably feels guilt as 
well — most likely about the additional burdens and responsibilities 
being placed on you.  

It is interesting to note that guilt is defined as remorse for doing something wrong. 
Therefore, people may say they feel guilty, when actually they
are experiencing regret, wishing that the situation in which they find themselves was 
different (Schmall et al., 2000). Talking with your partner about "guilt" may bring some 
relief. By learning that you both have
similar emotions, you can each develop a better appreciation for the
other's position.  

(sidebar)
"If I can't take him somewhere, I feel guilty because he depends on me
to get out."

(page 3)
Fear 
Fear, another frequently expressed feeling, often stems from wondering whether vision 
loss will get worse: "Will my partner become totally blind?" You also may  fear for your 
partner's safety while performing tasks such as cooking, or getting around at home or in 
the community: "Can my wife be left alone?" Inevitably, there are questions about the 
future: "What happens if
I become disabled or die? How will my spouse manage?" This issue is particularly 
difficult when your partner has other conditions aside from vision impairment, such as 
physical limitations or memory problems. While there are no easy answers, encouraging 
as much independence as possible, and talking about
alternatives for future living arrangements, can be good first steps.  

Frustration
Frustration is common, particularly when you're trying to figure out when
to offer help — and how much. It's hard to encourage someone to exercise his/her 
independence if there is reluctance to try new techniques. You may do more for your 
partner than you think you should due to safety concerns. Others admit that they 
sometimes find it faster and easier "to get the job done," rather than let partners do it 
themselves. But keep in mind that taking over can affect your partner's progress toward 
independence, causing feelings of uselessness and loss of control. Further, if you "take 
over," you may feel even more frustrated and angry, as you're now managing even more 
responsibilities that may not be necessary. 

Anger
Many people reluctantly admit feeling angry about the whole situation. Like you, they 
struggle with their own loss of independence, as they take their partners everywhere or 
adjust their schedules to meet their needs. You may feel irritated by having to stop what 
you're doing to meet a request, and then feel badly about your reaction. One woman 
stated, "I know if he could see 
to do it, he would do it himself." Resentment also arises when you feel that your partner 
could be more active and independent, or if you're not getting much-needed time for 
yourself. As one partner shared, "I have a life, but
it's not my own."

(sidebar)
"I know if
he could
see to do 
it, he would 
do it himself."

(page 4)
Sadness
Feeling sad — even depressed — especially at
the beginning, is common for both people in the relationship. While counseling often is 
available for the person experiencing vision loss, you, too, can benefit from the same kind 
of support. As one
sighted partner reported, "There's a tremendous, overwhelming sadness. It's a loss of 
plans and a loss
of what you thought [retirement] would be." Another shared, "I was so worried about his 
being depressed,
that I couldn't [let myself] get depressed, but I felt I needed therapy." Sighted partners 
who sought professional counseling found it very helpful to acknowledge, and validate, 
their feelings. 

It may not be easy for you to talk about emotional issues with your partner. As one spouse 
shared, "I keep everything inside and that is not good for me." As your partner struggles 
with the adjustment to life with impaired vision, he/she may not always recognize the 
impact it has on you. At the same time, you may not want to add to that burden by sharing 
your own feelings. However, those who attended partner support groups found this outlet 
to be incredibly helpful. "Sometimes, you think you're alone, but being in this group, you 
find that many people have the same problems and feelings you do." Sharing with 
others who are in the same situation can ease some of the negative feelings and allow 
couples to more fully enjoy their life together. As one man explained, "Being able to 
define my feelings better has made it easier for me to talk to my wife about them." To 
locate a support group in your area, call Lighthouse International's toll-free Information 
& Resource Service: (800) 829-0500, or E-mail: info@lighthouse.org.

(sidebar)
"Sometimes,
you think you're alone, but being in this group, you find that many people have the same 
problems and feelings you do."

(page 5)
Understanding What Your Partner Can See and Do
If your partner's vision impairment developed recently or is progressive, it's hard to get a 
handle on what he/she can and cannot see, and how vision loss affects what can and 
cannot be done. When in doubt, ask! All people with vision loss do not see the same. 
Different eye conditions cause different types of vision impairment, and there are varying 
day-to-day consequences of each
condition. For example, a person with macular degeneration may be able
to move around comfortably using peripheral (side) vision, but may have difficulty 
recognizing faces or reading. A lack of information can create confusion and 
misunderstanding for family members and friends when your partner can do some things 
but not others. As one woman said, "I didn't realize how little he could see. I'd get 
annoyed if he couldn't find something because he was functioning so well in other ways." 

During support group meetings, many found it helpful to experience
what their partners see through the use of vision simulator glasses, which approximate 
different vision conditions as well as blindness. While wearing simulator glasses, 
participants tried different tasks like writing a check or reading a newspaper. These 
experiences allowed them to better appreciate the frustrations of managing everyday 
activities. Afterward, one person noted, "Now I understand how sometimes he can get a 
glass of water off the table, and sometimes he can't." For information about vision 
simulators, call (800) 829-0500.

Sighted partners also had the opportunity to use different optical devices, such as high-
powered magnifiers, which gave them a firsthand view of the challenges involved in 
learning to use them, and an understanding of what these devices can and cannot do. One 
man admitted, "It's very tedious to use these devices — they're frustrating."  

(page 6)
During vision simulation activities, sighted partners experienced a range of emotions — 
including sadness, frustration, guilt and fear. One participant commented, "It's scary to 
look at the world through this perception." But the experience also provided a starting 
point for talking with their partners about the impact of vision loss — to learn more 
details about the effects of their conditions, such as how lighting affects them, which 
colors improve contrast or which print size is most accessible. In addition, you also may 
find it useful to attend a low vision examination with your partner. Use it as an 
opportunity to ask questions and learn more. 

(sidebar)
What is a Low Vision Examination?
An eye examination conducted by a specially trained low vision specialist
is usually the first step in the vision rehabilitation process. Special charts
are used to determine how well individuals can see up close and at a distance, as well as 
how well they are able to distinguish objects from their background (contrast sensitivity). 
The specialist also will want to know how vision loss is affecting everyday activities. 
Optical devices, such as high-powered magnifiers 
and telescopes, often are prescribed — and instruction in their use is provided — to 
help people maximize any remaining 
vision.

(page 7)
Enhancing Communication 
Communication can be a challenge for any couple. However, when
one partner is visually impaired, there are additional sensitivities that come into play. 
Many couples admit that talking openly about mutual frustrations, and how vision loss 
has affected them, is not always easy. 

What gets in the way of talking freely? Couples share
the following concerns:
- Difficulty expressing anger and frustration out of fear of hurting the other's feelings
- Hesitancy to say anything that will be taken as criticism
- Discomfort with putting one's own needs first
- Guilt about having, admitting or expressing negative feelings

People in relationships often keep frustrations to themselves because they don't want to 
make each other feel badly. For example, your partner may accept unwanted assistance to 
be polite. On the other hand, you may clean up a spill yourself rather than point it out. But 
these unexpressed feelings can build up over time and get in the way of your relationship. 
As one person shared, "When I feel worn out, I start getting angry at my wife's requests 
but I don't want to show that I'm angry. I don't even like to recognize it in myself. It feels 
selfish. But unless I can feel good about myself, I really can't be caring of her, so I kind of 
own up to my feelings. It's hard." 

Some couples point out the benefits of venting feelings on both sides and moving on. 
Others find that the best way to ensure that the partner with vision loss does not feel like 
the object of sympathy is to be open enough to argue. Talking candidly about how 
vision loss affects your lives also can bring you closer together. One partner 
commented, "We were very, very close before, but we are probably even closer now." 
Even if you haven't routinely shared concerns or feelings with one another in the past, 
there's no reason why you can't start now. One man summed it up well: "The frustrations 
— it's good to get them out. We talk to each other about it. It doesn't change things, but 
you do feel better." 

(sidebar)
"We were
very, very close before, but we are probably even closer now."

(page 8)
Tips from Couples Like You
- Positive communication often requires some preparation. Think about how you feel, 
what you need or how you'd like things done.

- Focusing on your own feelings is less likely to put the other person on the defensive. For 
example, say: "I feel upset about …" or "I would appreciate help with …" rather than: 
"You made me feel …" or "You could have done …" 

- Being specific about what you want is less likely to cause a negative reaction. Ask your 
partner to be specific about what kind of help is needed, and you should do the same.

- Acknowledge what you heard to assure your partner that you're really listening.

- Give your partner your full attention to prevent missing important points. Conversely, 
ask the other person to tell you what he/she heard to avoid misunderstandings. 

- Postpone conversations when emotions are high. Wait for a time when both of you are 
calmer. 

- Taking time to better understand each other's situation is likely to create more empathy. 
As hard as it may be, try to put yourself in your partner's shoes.

Additional Factors to Keep in Mind
Nonverbal expressions often are so automatic that it's easy to forget that you're even 
using them. Try to remember that the usual gestures, nods, smiles or frowns may 
not be visible to your partner. One 
woman shared a useful tip: "I call 
out my husband's name to get his attention. Since he can't see that I'm looking at him, he 
doesn't know when 
I'm talking to him." 

(page 9)
Similarly, your partner may pay closer attention than ever before to your touch, as well as 
to the tone and volume of your voice — all of which can convey unspoken feelings. One 
woman was surprised that her husband knew she was angry by the stiffness of her arm 
when they walked together. 

Most likely, you will have to communicate verbally much more often than before, and 
what you say will need to be more specific. For example, placing a vase of flowers on a 
table without saying anything can lead to an unexpected mishap. And telling your partner 
that "the orange juice is over there" will likely result in a response like, "Where is 
'there?'" 

You may feel that you're being interrupted constantly, until you recognize that your 
partner simply can't tell that you're in the middle of doing something.
By communicating more, these situations may be avoided. After many years of 
experience, one man suggested: "I communicate everything that I do so that my wife is 
not left wondering what I'm doing or where I am. If you can get started early with that 
constant communication, it sure helps." 

(sidebar, top)
"There's always a price for keeping things in. You know if your partner has had it — you 
somehow get the message — so there's communication without actually communicating. 
Sometimes, it's better just to say it and get it out in the open."

(sidebar, bottom)
The Lighthouse National Survey on Vision
Loss revealed that 23% of respondents who
are not visually impaired feel "awkward or embarrassed" because they do not know how
to behave with people who have impaired vision. This feeling is even more common 
among people who report that they have a close family member who is visually impaired 
(32%).

(page 10)
Relationships with Family
and Friends
Family members and friends want to be supportive and helpful. You already may have 
found that help is readily available from your children and/or other relatives. In some 
cases, vision loss brings families closer together. However, many people have never 
known anyone who is visually impaired, and they may feel uncomfortable about how
to interact and awkward about offering help.

Some relatives may be happy to help, but they don't know how. Other family members 
may have difficulty understanding that some vision problems are not correctable. Sharing 
information about your partner's vision status, how it affects everyday life and some 
helpful tips may encourage questions and help everyone feel more at ease (see "Educating 
Yourself and Others"
on page 11).   

One of the hardest things to do is ask family members or friends for help when you 
need it. It's understandable that you don't want to burden anyone — even though you 
could really use the support. You may feel reluctant to involve other people because your 
partner doesn't want others involved — he/she may fear being pitied or may prefer to 
keep the situation private. This obviously makes it difficult for you to get assistance or 
emotional support when you may need it the most. Talking with your partner about the 
help you need may make him/her feel more comfortable about receiving assistance. And 
finding ways to return favors can make you both feel more giving. 

(page 11)
The Impact on Your Lifestyle
Couples in situations like yours sometimes need to find new ways to maintain their social 
lives. Some found that their partners were not particularly comfortable eating out in 
restaurants, and others began to entertain more frequently since their spouses were more 
secure in their own surroundings. Couples also gained new friends in their support 
groups.

Socializing with others in similar circumstances can be very beneficial for both of you, as 
it allows you to observe how others are dealing with everyday activities and social 
situations. If a support group is not available in your area, consult your local vision 
rehabilitation agency for help with contacting other couples dealing with vision loss. You 
even may consider starting your own support group. Connecting with others by phone or 
E-mail also can help reduce isolation and provide emotional support. Call (800) 829-0500 
to obtain a copy of Programs for Partners of People with Impaired Vision:
A Discussion Guide for Support Group Leaders.

Educating Yourself and Others 
Below are suggestions from people who are visually impaired: 

- Let me know when you enter or leave a room. 

- If you address me by my name, I will know that you are talking to me. 

- If other people ask you what I want, let me respond, so they realize
that they can talk to me directly.

- When you think I need help, ask me first. If help is requested, I can usually tell you what 
I need or how we can do it together.

- Let me do as much as I can, even if it takes me longer or if I do it differently than you 
would.

- When providing directions, try to be as specific as possible. Instead
of saying, "It's over there," try: "The tape recorder is in the middle of
your dresser." 

- You can use terms like "visually impaired" or "blind," as well as conversational 
language like "look" and "see."

- If you want to shake my hand, tell me so that I can respond to
your gesture.

(page 12)
Dealing with your partner's vision loss often can impact your individual social life. 
As one woman commented, "I used to have a more independent life; now I spend most of 
my time with my husband, and I don't socialize much with friends." During support 
group meetings, sighted partners encouraged each other to maintain friendships, and to 
continue hobbies, exercise regimens and community involvement. And you can stay in 
constant touch with your partner by using cell phones, pagers or walkie-talkies.
 
Even if your partner encourages you to continue your usual personal activities, you still 
may feel reluctant to do so. It's difficult to know if your concerns about leaving your 
partner alone are realistic or if you're simply being overly protective. One woman, 
hesitant to leave her husband to take an overnight trip, found that he enjoyed staying by 
himself; it gave him a feeling of independence. You may feel more comfortable
pursuing your interests if your partner also tries to reestablish
his/her own hobbies and friendships. It appears that when both of
you are involved in purposeful activities, there is a greater sense of balance
in the relationship.

Many couples find new activities that
can be enjoyed together: going to the
gym, taking walks, doing crossword puzzles, dancing, and attending
shows and concerts. Some continue to travel — going on cruises, beach vacations or 
family visits. One woman shared, "We have a very
full life."

(sidebar)
"We have a very full life."

(page 13)
Dealing with Issues
of Dependence and Independence
It's normal for you to struggle over when to offer assistance, how much to help and when 
to encourage your partner to do things alone. It can be very difficult to hold back as you 
watch someone undertake a task that was so much easier and quicker to accomplish with 
full sight. However, providing unneeded assistance, or taking over in order to complete a 
task, can come at an enormous price — feelings of uselessness and excessive dependency 
for your partner, and added burdens for you. 

While there are no simple answers about when, or how much, to help, it's much easier 
when couples talk openly about this issue. There may be certain things that your partner 
wants to do on his/her own, and other tasks that
you can do together. There also may be activities that you'd like to see your partner 
continue but you're not sure they're possible. Unfortunately, many people mistakenly 
assume that people who are visually impaired have to give up many routine tasks or 
favorite activities. Certified rehabilitation teachers can provide necessary information, 
encouragement about what 
is possible and training in new ways to perform everyday activities. Most activities can be 
adapted, and special equipment and computers may be utilized to continue favorite 
interests safely and successfully. To find 
vision rehabilitation agencies in your area, call (800) 829-0500.

People who are new to vision loss may not be ready to take advantage of these services, 
or they may need encouragement. Participating in a support group and meeting others 
who are visually impaired can sometimes help people take this step. Or, as your partner 
adjusts, you may want to revisit every now and then a discussion about vision 
rehabilitation services. Even when people receive these services, they often can benefit 
from additional training, especially if their vision changes or they discover new activities 
to pursue.

(sidebar)
"When my husband succeeds, he is just elated, and it makes me feel good, too."

(page 14)
Many of the sighted partners in our support group programs told us that their spouses 
don't like feeling dependent on others and strive to be as
self-sufficient as possible. One person put it well: "Dependency really robs people of self-
esteem. The more they learn, the happier they'll be and the happier we'll be. And that's 
what I'm striving for." Many also talk proudly about their partners' participation in a 
variety of household responsibilities. As one woman said, "When my husband succeeds, 
he is just elated, and it makes me feel good, too."   

However, it can be frustrating when your partner won't accept help,
even when it appears to be needed. It's difficult to watch your partner's frustration when 
struggling with a task. Rather than immediately offering
to handle it, one man learned to ask, "Is there a way for me to help you to
do this?" Another husband commented, "I have to restrain myself because when she 
wants to do something, she says, 'I have to do it,' and I don't want to interfere with that." 
While you may get impatient when things take longer to get accomplished, try to 
recognize when it's better to "back off." 

(sidebar)
An important consideration is the balance of giving and receiving in the relationship.  
Although not always acknowledged, receiving is much harder than giving. (Lustbader, 
1995). While responsibilities
may shift, it's important for your partner
to feel that he/she is contributing to daily activities — and to the relationship. 

(page 15)
Frustration also may arise if your partner settles into a pattern of allowing others to 
do everything for him/her. How can you motivate your partner to do the reasonable tasks 
independently? And are these expectations realistic? Working together 
may be a good first step. One woman shared how she sets things up so that her husband 
can use the microwave or washing machine 
on his own. Another cleans up a messy kitchen after her husband prepares lunch for 
himself. Using this gradual process, success can build on itself. If you're not always doing 
everything, 
your partner may find ways to accomplish tasks alone. 

As always, communication between partners is key — about when to give help and what 
specific help is needed. As one woman noted, "You can try to anticipate a need, but it's 
got to be their job to ask for help. And it's our job to give that help as best we can."

(sidebar, top)
Couples Share Tips
- If your partner with impaired vision says, "I can do it," let him/her do it!
- Your partner should tell you what type of help is needed, and when.
- Take time to discuss who should do what, and how to work as a team.

(sidebar, bottom)
You sometimes may feel reluctant to involve your partner in decisions or other issues, 
and this can strain the relationship. Allowing your partner to stay involved is very 
important. One woman emphasized how helpful it was to have her husband's emotional 
support when she visited the dentist: "Just because he can't see, he can still feel; he can 
understand."

(page 16)
Getting Around Safely
It's understandable for you to fear for your partner's safety while getting around at home 
or outdoors — particularly if he/she hasn't been exposed to the knowledge, skills and 
techniques (acquired through vision rehabilitation) that enable people with vision loss to 
travel safely and independently.

Getting information about safe travel methods can reduce fears and clarify 
misconceptions. There are several mobility techniques that people with impaired vision 
can learn. These include how to use: their remaining vision (and other senses); another 
person; a white cane or a dog guide. Certified orientation and mobility specialists help 
determine the most appropriate method(s) based on the individual's vision status, goals 
and preferences.
Even if your partner does not want to travel independently, a mobility specialist can offer 
suggestions for safe movement at home, as well as provide sighted guide training to help 
you feel more at ease when traveling together. 

Many people with vision loss have a difficult time accepting a white cane, as it visibly 
identifies them as being visually impaired. They may not want others to know, or they 
may feel vulnerable, embarrassed or concerned that people will pity them. Your attitude 
can affect your partner's decision to use — or not use — a white cane, so it's important to 
educate yourself about its many benefits. Contact your local vision rehabilitation agency 
to talk with people who have learned to be independent travelers, and hear firsthand about 
their experiences and successes.  

You also can ease your personal concerns by participating
in, or observing, your partner's mobility training session (get 
permission to do this first). This opportunity will allow you to ask questions and observe 
mobility techniques and strategies. As one sighted partner noted, "It helps to be shown 
how mobility instruction works. It's important to get the

(page 17)
hands-on experience." For example, you'll get a better understanding of the types of 
information a white cane gives its user, such as the widths and depths of steps or curbs. 
White canes also enable a user to identify textures, and to discover objects or holes in 
one's path. This experience also can demonstrate how proper cane use increases safety, 
stability and control. Armed with this knowledge, you can feel more 
comfortable encouraging the use of a cane. 

Even if you both prefer using a sighted guide technique, the cane can increase your 
partner's feelings of safety and reduce the burden on you. As one cane user shared, "I just 
think it's fair to try and do what I can, and not to put all the pressure
on him to have to watch everything."  

(insert box)
Using a Sighted Guide 
With the sighted guide technique, the person with impaired vision holds a guide's arm 
just above the elbow. The guide walks one-half step ahead and communicates when 
nearing curbs, steps or other obstacles. For example, "We're approaching a staircase that 
is going up." Or, "We are coming to a door, which will open on your left."

The guide must pay special attention in spaces like doorways, to ensure that the path is 
wide enough to accommodate both people. There are special methods for handling 
different situations such as narrow passages, getting into a car or taking a seat. For details, 
call (800) 829-0500 to order
Take Charge of Your Life with Vision Rehabilitation 
(see page 22).

(sidebar)
"It helps to 
be shown 
how mobility instruction works. It's important to 
get the hands-on experience."

(page 18)
Organizing Your Home for Accessibility, Safety and Comfort
Ensuring safety and comfort at home is another common issue for partners.
In most cases, simple changes often can make a big difference. Lighting, contrast and 
organization are usually at the top of the list. 

Control natural and artificial light through adjustable window shades, flexible-armed 
lamps, or positioning of television and computer screens to avoid glare. Lighting needs 
and preferences vary depending on your partner's vision condition, and a low vision 
specialist can provide useful tips about meeting lighting needs. Experiment to see which 
solutions work best. 

Contrast and marking systems can make seeing objects easier. Consider using lightly 
colored plates on dark place mats, and brightly colored towels that contrast with walls. 
Mark the most frequently used settings on appliances, 
such as dishwashers and microwaves. 

Organization becomes very important. Couples usually find that working out
a system together can avoid frustrations about finding things when they're needed. 
Putting things back where they belong benefits everyone. Note the following tips:

- Push chairs under tables and keep cupboard/closet doors either completely open or 
closed — not ajar. Keep pathways clear, too.

- Communicate any environmental changes, from rearranging furniture to opening the 
oven door. 

- Consider putting a coffee table on a different floor surface like an area rug
so that you can feel the difference as you near the table.

- Throw rugs should have non-skid rubber backing or double-sided tape.

- Increase visibility of steps, especially the top and bottom steps, by using tread strips or 
safety tape on the edges. 

- Install a handrail or banister for stairways.

For more comprehensive strategies and tips, call (800) 829-0500 to order Take Charge of 
Your Life with Vision Rehabilitation. 

(page 19)
Dealing with Stress
Coping with vision loss, the changes in responsibilities and shifts in dependency all
cause additional stress. As one wife shared,
"We're doing for two, not for one, and that's the difference. When we leave the house, I 
have to help him or get his stuff — I can't just think of myself."   

You may find yourself taking on tasks that used to seem gender specific. In our sighted 
partner support groups, men reported cooking and handling the shopping, while women 
were doing more driving and taking on financial activities. Women were particularly 
concerned about, and sensitive to, their partners' sense of manhood. They don't want 
them to feel incapable or dependent, and they're careful not to remind them about the 
changes that have occurred. While it's good to consider your partner's feelings, this, 
too, can escalate stress. For example, one woman now has to unload the car and bring 
packages into the house. Holding back her frustration about taking on this new task 
causes stress to build. 

Despite the fact that your partner can contribute to many everyday chores, you may feel 
uncomfortable asking for help with tasks that he/she may not have done before. Yet this 
is a practical way to ease your burdens. After feeling overwhelmed with too much to do, 
one woman admitted, "Last night was the first time I asked him if he would mind dusting, 
and he said 'of course not.' He found the cloth, he dusted and the furniture was shining." 

Stress also may arise as you become more involved with each other's daily activities. 
Spending more time together can exaggerate differences, and the changes in dependency 
can magnify issues. As one partner commented,
"If we had a disagreement before, she was able to go and do what she wanted to do. Now, 
if she wants to do something and I don't want to do it, I have to because she can't do it 
without me."  

(sidebar)
"Last night was the first time I asked him if he would mind dusting, and he said 'of 
course not.' He found the cloth, he dusted and the furniture was shining."

(page 20)
Stress can exhibit itself in a number of ways, including: headaches, exhaustion, trouble 
sleeping, eating more or less, feeling angry or short-tempered, a lack of energy, being 
forgetful, feeling sad, depressed or guilty, or just not being able to enjoy things. While 
there are no right or wrong ways to manage stress, some ways are healthier than others. 
People may not always be able to control the cause of stress, but they can change how 
they deal with it.

Give Yourself a Break!
Relieve stress by finding an activity you enjoy. Listen to music, do yoga, plant flowers, 
play with a pet, read books, walk, run, ride a bike, pray, dance, call a friend, do crossword 
puzzles, write or find humor.

During partner discussion group meetings focusing on stress, participants shared ideas 
and discovered new options:

- Use simple deep breathing — in through the nose and out through the mouth ("smell a 
rose and blow out a candle") — which can be done alone at any time or place. 

- Think of something that brings you joy — a moment, special person, place, time or 
treasured object — to put a smile on your face
and change your frame of mind. 

- Combat negative self-talk like, "I should have done …" or "Why didn't I think of …" 
with positive thoughts. In one of our support group activities, participants assigned a 
positive personal attribute to each letter of their first names, as a way to think and feel 
good about themselves (Strand, 1995). Members also noted the positive qualities they 
saw in each other. As one man commented, "Connecting myself to my positive qualities 
is not something that I do often. It felt really good. And I'd like to do it with
my wife."  

- Share humorous experiences related to vision loss. One favorite: A woman with a dog 
guide heard someone say, "Look! There's a blind dog!" She responded, "My dog is 
sighted. I'm the one who's visually impaired." Having a good laugh can change your 
mood and relieve stress at the same time.

(page 21)
Final Thoughts ... 
While vision loss undoubtedly changes your life, with time, many couples find ways to 
adapt positively to the situation. The feelings and issues described in this booklet are 
meant to serve as a starting point. We hope that the experiences of other sighted 
partners have given you
a better understanding of the emotional changes you may be going through, as well as 
practical information about services and resources that are available for both you
and your partner.  

Although many sighted partners may not identify themselves as "caregivers," the issues 
you face are similar to those who are caring for
partners with other chronic conditions. It can be reassuring to know that others have 
similar feelings and, for one man, being in a group with other sighted partners had an 
added benefit. It made him realize that his problems are not specific to him, but 
"characteristic of caregiver problems. It changes your perspective in a very helpful way."

Find out about partner support groups in your community. If none exists, consider starting 
one. Programs for Partners of People with Impaired Vision: A Discussion Guide for 
Support Group Leaders, a free publication, is available to assist both peer and 
professional leaders in developing a program. And if your partner has not received vision 
rehabilitation, we strongly encourage you to find out about these services, which can 
make a profound difference in the quality of his/her life — and in your life together. Your 
partner also may want to consider joining a support group with others who are coping 
with vision loss, to decrease isolation, make friends, share concerns and find solutions
to everyday issues.

(page 22)
Getting More Information 
To find out about vision rehabilitation services, low vision centers, support groups and 
caregiver resources in your state, or to find out about publications or vision simulator 
glasses, call the Lighthouse Information & Resource Service toll free at (800) 829-0500 
or send an E-mail to info@lighthouse.org. An information specialist will talk with you 
and provide resources to meet your needs.

You also can visit Lighthouse International's website, www.lighthouse.org, to view 
and/or order recent newsletters, research papers, books, brochures and fact sheets.

Call for a free copy of Programs for Partners of People with Impaired Vision: A 
Discussion Guide for Support Group Leaders, and select from an array of helpful fact 
sheets, including:
- Helping Family and Friends Understand Vision Loss
- Making Your Home More Comfortable, Convenient and Accessible
- Braving the Low Vision Exam 
- Illuminating Solutions 
- Mark My Words
- Fix It Yourself 
- Looking on the Lighter Side 
- Taking Time Out 
- Laugh When You Can
- Canes Provide Information for Independence

And for details about the benefits of vision rehabilitation services, we also offer a book 
entitled Take Charge of Your Life with Vision Rehabilitation.

(page 23)
References
Lighthouse International (2001). Take charge of your life with vision rehabilitation. New 
York: Lighthouse International.

The Lighthouse Inc. (1995). The Lighthouse national survey on vision loss: The 
experience, attitudes and knowledge of middle-aged and older Americans. New York: 
The Lighthouse Inc.

Lustbader, W. (1995). The dilemmas of dependency. The Journal of Case Management, 
4(4), 132-135.

Schmall, V.L., Cleland, M. & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The caregiver helpbook: Powerful 
tools for caregiving. Portland, OR: Legacy Health System. 

Strand, C. (1995). Fit to be you: Stress fitness program. New York: Health Insurance Plan 
of Greater New York.

(page 24)
Acknowledgments

We are very grateful to the Grotta Foundation for Senior Care
and the Wallerstein Foundation for Geriatric Life Improvement
for their generous support of Program for Partners, a two-year educational project 
designed to develop, implement and evaluate model support group programs, and to 
publish educational materials for sighted partners of adults with vision loss.  

Special thanks go to all the couples in New Jersey and New York who participated in our 
focus groups, and to all the partners who attended support group programs.  This booklet 
is based on what they shared — 
their feelings, struggles and solutions. We hope that their experiences
will benefit other partners of people who are visually impaired.

(inside back cover)
We appreciate the contributions of all the members of the Program for Partners project 
team:

Marjorie Cantor, MA, 
Professor and Brookdale Distinguished Scholar, Graduate School of Social Service, 
Fordham University

Verena R. Cimarolli, PhD,  
Lighthouse International

Caryn R. Goodman, PhD, 
Lighthouse International

Amy Horowitz, DSW, 
Lighthouse International

Linda Schulz, CSW, 
Lighthouse International

Cydney Strand, RN, 
Lighthouse International

Cynthia Stuen, DSW, 
Lighthouse International

Markita Vogt, AA, 
Alliance for Disabled in Action, Inc.

Shazia Zaman, MA, 
Graduate Student,  
Montclair State University

Carol J. Sussman-Skalka, CSW, MBA,
Project Director, Program for Partners

Photos by Brad Hess, Robert A. Lisak and PhotoDiscฎ

ฉ 2002 Lighthouse International

(back Cover)
Lighthouse International is a leading resource worldwide on vision impairment and vision 
rehabilitation. Through its pioneering work in vision rehabilitation services, education, 
research, prevention and advocacy, Lighthouse International enables people of all ages 
who are blind or partially sighted to lead independent and productive lives. Founded in 
1905 and headquartered in New York, Lighthouse International is a not-for-profit 
organization, and depends on the support and generosity of individuals, foundations and 
corporations.

Lighthouse International
111 East 59th Street
New York, NY 10022-1202
Tel	(212) 821-9200
	(800) 829-0500 (toll free) 
Fax	(212) 821-9707
TTY	(212) 821-9713
www.lighthouse.org

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